Fear: The First Natural Enemy on the Path to Knowledge
“Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield. And thus he has tumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear!”
Lessons from “The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge” by Carlos Castaneda.
To provide a brief background: In the book, Carlos Castaneda, an anthropology student, seeks out a Native American sorcerer (“don Juan”) in order to learn about the Native American Yaqui wisdom tradition. In his experiences of the path of becoming a “man of knowledge”, Castaneda confronts — with the help of psychoactive plants — what appears as delusion, paranoia and insanity, with an air of the imminent risk of death.
Don Juan addresses the concerns arising from this journey with valuable insight that I believe can be translated into a broader approach to overcoming fear in everyday life.
“He said that fears are natural; that all of us experience them and there is nothing we can do about it. But on the other hand, no matter how frightening learning is, it is more terrible to think of a man without an ally, or without knowledge.”
When we have fear, our instincts tell us the object of our fear ought to be avoided because it is uncomfortable; that the fear indicates that we are heading in the wrong direction or that the path of least resistance is the right one, but this is false. Going against fear is exercising will, and will is the creative God of our personal universe. The second will within us provides us our inner adversary; the will that makes us settle, that rationalises, that chooses security and comfort.
Fear is there, and it is natural.
It is the counterweight to the meaning of our task.
We must accept that it exists, and it is alright. It’s there to be acknowledged because it contains wisdom for preparation, it orients us, and allows us to be challenged. How could we feel challenged without considering the stakes pitched to increase our chances of failure? It certainly provides incentive for us to hit our mark.
Learning is a fearful task because it updates us. Older parts of us have to die in order to truly learn, and these parts can feel so much a part of who we are it is like dismemberment. But no matter how frightening, we must remain assured, because if we do not seek knowledge, we do not grow, which is a fate worse than the challenges that lie ahead of us.
If we are still swayed by fear, our search for knowledge will be inauthentic because we are not ready to accept what we may find. We may not even begin to seek it. Either way, knowledge and truth is sacrificed for precisely as much as fear is still in control.
Don Juan laughed and said:
“You are beginning to learn.”CC: “This type of learning is not for me. I am not made for it, don Juan.”
DJ: “You always exaggerate.”
CC:“This is not exaggeration.”
DJ: “It is. The only trouble is that you exaggerate the bad points only.”
CC: “There are no good points so far as I am concerned. All I know is that it makes me afraid.”
DJ: “There is nothing wrong with being afraid. When you fear, you see things in a different way.”
The humour of don Juan is important to note, because what we were once afraid of often becomes funny. Perhaps we find humour in a dog afraid of a plastic bag, but it’s impossible to see the irrationality of it while caught in the reality of it. Once we face what we fear and understand it, the irrational components of the fear subside and we can graduate to facing new things that are unknown.
When we fear, we can exaggerate in order to rationalise the avoidance of what we fear. We also try to undermine the value of what we fear, convincing ourselves that it is acceptable to not face what we fear because the object of our fear isn’t important anyway. Usually the opposite is true, and we fear because something really is important to us, or signifies the destruction of something false that we desperately hold onto that we need to find a way to let go of in order to grow.
Don Juan also says there is nothing wrong with being afraid. For example, if we are not afraid of things that can harm us, we are naive. Exaggerated fear however is irrational, but conscious fear in balance allows for respect, consideration, and clarity.
“Fear is the first natural enemy a man must overcome on his path to knowledge. Besides, you are curious. That evens up the score. And you will learn in spite of yourself; that’s the rule”
If you are unconsciously afraid, you will desire to avoid certain information or experiences, or warp it in order to not confront the places that scare you. You won’t be capable of arriving at conclusions that threaten you. Your fear must not play a part in seeking knowledge if you desire to find truth, otherwise you will only find half-truths or use what you find to fortify an ideology.
A real curiosity for truth means that there is a passion to learn and it will increase the chances that you will align yourself to what is true, rather than alter your discovery. It will be easier to be in control of your fear, and continue forward despite it.
“You are not thinking in the proper order,” he said. “Mescalito (The spirit within the Peyote cactus) actually played with you. That’s the point to think about.
Why don’t you dwell on that instead of on your fear?”
“You dwell upon yourself too much. That’s the trouble. And that produces a terrible fatigue.”
Fear can be overly self-centred as the mind neurotically spirals in an attempt to side-step aversions, but there needs to be a shift in perspective because when dwelling on fear, you negate the larger picture and only see negative outcomes. You try and think of ways you can handle these imaginings instead of focusing on growth and discovery. This uses up an extraordinary amount of energy trying to change or avoid the outside world when all that is needed, and all that you can do, is shift your perspective. This doesn’t mean that you no longer fear, but it is in proper proportion. Don Juan emphasises the focus on growth and discovery next, saying:
“Seek and see the marvels around you. You will get tired of looking at yourself alone, and that fatigue will make you deaf and blind to everything else.”
“’Think about the wonder… Think about nothing else: The rest will come to you of itself’”
Don Juan then goes to say one of the more profound insights of the book:
“A man goes to knowledge as he goes to war: wide awake, with fear, with respect, and with absolute assurance. Going to knowledge or going to war in any other manner is a mistake, and whoever makes it will live to regret his steps.”
We so far have covered perception and respect, but only briefly assurance. Here assurance likely equates to faith. In reality, you do not know the outcomes of actions, but thinking too much about the negative outcomes will paralyse you and cannot be helpful beyond some preparation. Once you have made a decision, there is no other helpful perspective than to be assured. Hesitance and ambiguity will weaken you and make you lose focus. You must stand strong in your position once it has been decided, or doubt will weaken your effort. Don Juan provides insight into the uncertainty:
“When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialise, for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.”
You cannot foresee the outcomes or methods of the knowledge you have not yet gained. The nature of learning is to directly confront the mystery of the unknown and attempt to construct value from it.
Don Juan expands on the journey to becoming a man of knowledge:
“He slowly begins to learn — bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid.
Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield. “And thus he has tumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear! A terrible enemy — treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest.”
“What will happen to the man if he runs away in fear?”
“Nothing happens to him except that he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings.”
“And what can he do to overcome fear?”
“The answer is very simple. He must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself.
His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.
“When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy.”
“Does it happen at once, don Juan, or little by little?”
“It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast… A man is defeated only when he no longer tries, and abandons himself.”
“But then, don Juan, it is possible that a man may abandon himself to fear for years, but finally conquer it.”
“No, that is not true. If he gives in to fear he will never conquer it, because he will shy away from learning and never try again. But if he tries to learn for years in the midst of his fear, he will eventually conquer it because he will never have really abandoned himself to it.”
This is a lesson in persistence. Fear is no easy undertaking, it defeats many people. It can take many years, and it is easier to believe what is comfortable and assuring. To illustrate this point, at the end of the first section of the book entitled “The Teachings”, Castaneda presents the ultimatum to his own personal struggle of fear (spoiler alert).
…
“Ever since that time I have refrained from seeking his lessons. And, although don Juan has not changed his benefactor’s attitude towards me, I do believe that I have succumbed to the first enemy of a man of knowledge.”
Never abandon yourself to fear.
IN SUM:
Fear is a natural feeling, but when we are not wise to it, it can bring up neuroses that interfere with our higher will — our quest for knowledge and self-unfoldment. Fear allows it necessary to develop virtues like courage, prudence, self-assurance, respect, resilience, persistence and perception.
Once we understand fear, we then become afraid of the right things, so to speak. We become afraid of what might happen if we let fear stop us from seeking to reveal our potential — although we ought not to let fear drive us, but the wonder of crystallising potential into experience through our decisions.
Bonus Exercise:
If you want to at least scratch the surface of your fears, I have provided a quick exercise. This requires more than brief consideration to be totally honest with yourself. Make this your prime focus, with no distractions because if you truly desire to untangle some of the complications surrounding your fears, it is incredibly important.
- What are my main fears?
(E.g. Crowds, travel, balloons, living, judgement, death failure, losing love etc.)
- Why do I fear them?
(Be rigorous in shining a light on them and take your time. This isn’t always a simple question.)
- Are these reasons true?
(Play devil’s advocate for every rationalisation. You’ll find you can tear down many.)
- How would my life be in the future if I did not have this fear?
(Create a positive vision of your life. Take as much time as necessary.)
- How would my life be in the future if it remains in control?
(Create a vision of what you do not want your future to be. Do you want to be exactly where you are, only older? Think of measures against this version of reality you come up with.)
- If nothing could stop me, what steps would I take to overcome this fear?
(If you weren’t concerned about money, would you take workshops? If distance didn’t matter, would you need to travel? If you weren’t anxious, who would you need to meet? etc.)
- What could be my new position on my fear?
(Instead of feeling crippled by it, what does it tell you? Can your fear tell you what is important? Can fear actually push you because now you know that it means it is important? What does this fear mean to me? Do I have the choice to not let it hold me back? etc.)
-What would I do if I had no fear at all?
(No limits. Imagine fear didn’t exist for you and you would survive everything you did or not embarrass yourself? What if you knew you weren’t going to get sick? What if you had a free run of something with protection from the universe? What would you do?)
*Note that many of these excerpts are separate anecdotes in the book, condensed for a consistent dialogue.
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