I regretfully cannot offer one on one contact, but I can attempt to answer a question or two through this commenting section. It sounds like you've been through a lot and it can be difficult to find a sense of meaning. Nietzsche is probably the largest name when it comes to speaking on religion no longer being sufficient for people to come to a sense of meaning, and he also writes about coming to a sense of meaning yourself. I also recommend speaking to a professional. If you've tried, and they weren't good, you can try someone else. They can all be very different and it can take a few tries. I do sympathise with you, hang in there.