I’m glad you pointed out that the shame goes both ways. In my experience, we hear a lot about slut-shaming and kink-shaming, but just as common is calling people ‘sex-negative’, shaming virgins (incel, prude, frigid…), coercing people into sexual acts they aren’t comfortable with, or humiliating people who enjoy regular vanilla sex.

Both sides are firing shots because they feel culture is geared against them. I think there will always be shame because people will have different values and shame is the negative end of not experiencing an ideal. If one group feels their ideal is threatened, they tend to shame those they feel threaten it.

In my view, the way out of shame is not to change the world (not going to happen…) but to be secure in your own choices and promote your own ideals, so the shame does not affect you as you realise it has no basis in your view and doesn’t change your value as a person. If you’re shamed but are confident, it has no place to land.