Solving the Endless Cycle of Self-Help
I have been reading self-help for quite a few years now and the more I read, the more I realize how much better I can be than I am right now. I have indeed been improving myself slowly, but I easily forget about that and I soon feel I am not good enough; my eyes are always on how I could be better and how I could be so much further in life and it’s all my fault.
This is what reading too much self-help can do. It makes you focus too hard on how you can be better and what you are lacking in. We need to remember we are all ‘lacking’ and nobody is perfect, and if you are seeking wholeness, it cannot be from something you have to do in order to get there in the future, it comes from letting go of everything right now and accepting the present by being as consciously in the present as possible. Here you can get a sense of wholeness, and then move forward with the right perspective.
You don’t gain that perspective down the line with knowledge you pick up because you most likely have been absorbing information about how to get to that place of clarity for years — and personally, I have burnt myself out from trying to get to that place through information, but that place only becomes an intellectual concept rather than a reality.
Another issue that comes up in self-help is the inability to integrate the information practically. This is why I don’t believe words alone can help you, because you can get addicted to the feeling of making sense of things, only to lose it and find it again down the track and thinking “oh yeah, that’s right” but nothing really changes.
After learning so much and knowing the advice intellectually, you’ll be able to give amazing advice to others because you can see where they can improve and what they need to do to help themselves. This can give you the illusion that you yourself have improved from this information. You read self-help to help yourself after all, and who will take your great advice seriously if you yourself don’t take it?
All the self-help advice comes from a higher level of perception — A perspective of clarity. The goal of self-help advice is to pull your level of perception upward so you become less dependent on external information to make important decisions for your life, but if your level of perception keeps sinking, integration of the advice will not occur and remains an abstract concept that you keep remembering and forgetting.
This is incredibly frustrating and keeps you stuck in a loop. Self-help then becomes akin to another binge session on Netflix. So what do you do?
After going through the day trying to regain perspective and finally finding it in the evening, trying to plan out my life a little better before bed, then losing that perspective the next morning and repeating the process over and over again I have figured out that gaining proper perspective at the beginning of the day is one of the most important things you can do.
The first step in the day should be to gain perspective. By perspective I mean clear vision. Instead of trying to remember your routine and fumble through your day, you only need to remember this one thing and the rest will follow.
This needs to happen before you check your phone, possibly before you even get out of bed. The less that is in the way of this goal the better, because the longer you wait, the more content your mind will use to gain traction and keep buzzing through different ideas throughout the day, keeping you blind to your own priorities, losing sight of the big picture, and you’ll go through the day unconsciously.
How do you gain perspective?
Well, different things work for different people. Meditation would be my greatest advice, but a lot of people cannot focus or don’t understand the concept well enough, so doing yoga or going for a run can help focus the mind, whatever takes you out of your head and back into your life. The trendy word for being in the present is “Mindfulness”, but I don’t entirely agree with the term because it’s the mind you are trying to clear. It’s more like Mind-emptiness. Once you unload the mind, you can scoop from it lightly for what you need so it doesn’t get murky again and you repeat the whole process.
This takes practice and it is good to notice certain signs that can act as triggers: Your body may ache, you may notice you are wrinkling your brow furrows trying to solve a problem, you may notice the time in the day rapidly slipping away. Any of these things can trigger your awareness and you can bring yourself back. But remember — this isn’t easy to begin with, so go easy on yourself. Write on your hand or put a note on your phone screen before you go to sleep at night to remind you in the morning.
Whatever you do, find a way to remember that first thing in the day, and you’ll be more conscious and effective in your everyday life.
